I have noticed a trend. My Brothers have relationship issues.. I've battled the same issues for all of my adult life. It has a lot to do with our training.. We Always want our teammates to strive harder. To do better. To excel. We use manipulation, coercion and belittling as tools. Remember how we motivated each other to excel at our task.??? "Come on you pussy, you got more than that". "My sister can lift more weight than you". "If you ain't as good as me, you ain't shit". You have heard it all before.. On the training field. In the weight room. In the bars. Back on the block. All those times we were striving to excel.. Not everyone has trained to be better.. Most folks have just tried to survive from day to day. So, lets talk about relationships.. My frame of reference comes from failure. I've also witnessed the mistakes others have made..
I'm not talking about the big things... Don't slap yer woman around. Don't gamble away the rent. Don't shit in yer own bed.. We all know those things.. I'm talking about the little things.. The way we care for the ones we chose to love. I treated my first wife like dogshit. She did not and would not strive to meet MY standard. She was willing to iron my uniform. She was not willing to do it to MY standard. It became a wedge between us. She could not understand that MY standard was set by My chain of command. I chose to iron my own uniforms. and each time I did, I drove that wedge in a little farther. Such a small thing in hindsight. But at the time, I was working towards a promotion, trying to provide better for my young family.
I once saw a preacher give a sermon about chopping fire wood.. He described our relationships as a solid log. He spoke of the wedge as what separates those relationships. He had a variety of hammers on display. A framing hammer. a ball peen hammer. A 3pound foundry hammer. a 12pound sledge hammer.. And the wedge. He picked up the framing hammer and set the wedge. "It doesn't take something big to get a wedge started". He spoke about how that sledge hammer could in a single blow separate that solid relationship. He likened that sledge hammer to what we would call "Big things" like adultery or killing. He picked up the framing hammer and struck the wedge again. The wedge barely moved. He picked up the foundry hammer. "with three or four good whacks, I'm sure I could split this log". And with the framing hammer, he tapped the wedge again. He likened the foundry hammer to the lesser evils we do in our relationships. Like lying or cheating. And with the framing hammer, he struck the wedge again. Not by force, but by repetition, the wedge sank deeper into the log. The ball peen hammer he said "it might take 10 or 15 hard swings but I know I can split this log". He struck the wedge again with the framing hammer.. And again. And again. And again. He likened that ball peen hammer to things like being untrustworthy and being selfish. And with the smallest hammer, he struck the wedge again. and again.
He likened the small framing hammer to the devastating little things we do over and over again in our relationships.. and he hit the wedge. He talked about how we do things that bother our partners, and he hit the wedge. the lack of caring, whack. the distance we allow to grow between us. whack. The manipulation. whack. The lack of understanding. whack. showing did-interest in your partners desires. whack. Not tending to your friends emotional needs. whack. belittling one another. THUD. The log fell in two pieces to the floor. With no hope of ever being solid again.
I am convinced that the only reason we are on this planet is to have a positive impact on others.. Our relationships should have the most value in our lives. Sometimes we get in a rut and it feels like we are just spinning our wheels. Own it. Do something about it. Learn to value the relationships that you are in.. He, or She, has more worth in your life than you give them credit for. Do your "homework'.. and fix that..
from an attitude of Love..
Peace&Grease
